7 Montana Animals I Can Beat in an MMA Fight… Can You?

It was almost a year ago when I moved to Montana and let me tell you: it's been a doozy! I've learned so much about the agriculture, the people and amazing community... and a little bit about the wildlife.

About that last part...

I Love Animals, I Really Do

Look, I think animals are great and I respect the hell out of them. Shoot, you'll never see me disrespect a grizzly bear or a coyote.

BUT... if you were to put me in the octagon with a select few animals (that aren't bears or grizzlies) with UFC rules and regulations, I think I'd actually be able to hold my own.

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I know, I can hear you already: "PFFT! This guy is a joke!"

And maybe... but hear me out, I think I can convince you. Heck, I might even be able to convince you that YOU'RE capable of beating a Montana critter in the octagon.

In case you're wondering, I'm 6'2, 220 lbs., and my reach is 79" - I wish I was kidding about that last part because it means one or two things:

A.) I'm grossly disproportionate AKA I look like an orangutan.

and/or...

B.) I could have been taller but stunted my growth somewhere along the way... just a theory but if I did... DOH!

Conditions of a Fight with a Montana Animal

Let's go with standard UFC/MMA rules, right? No biting, no groin kicks, NO USE OF HORNS, etc. I know that takes away the advantage of countless animals but come on, my teeth/jaws don't bite like a vicious animal's can, and I certainly don't have horns.

Also, we're going to have, what do you think, three? Five rounds? I like three for the sake of the animal, I wouldn't want to seriously hurt any mammals and feel bad about it later.

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Let's stick with three-minute rounds of striking and grappling and we're set, am I right?

And don't give me this nonsense about how I have an uNfAiR advantage. These animals can absolutely punch, kick, or sleeper hold me into submission. I can't make them want to fight and if you step into the octagon, all bets are off, baby!